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Pilgrims there."
"No Pilgrims," he said, his eyes showing life for the first time. "It's
probably a good, safe place."
"Then it sounds good to me," she replied, leaning forward. He remained silent
as she cupped both hands around his face and kissed him. It was a slow, soft
kiss, almost chaste.
She wanted to show him how much she loved him, how much she and the baby
needed him in this lives. He didn't respond, although his eyes were filled
with an almost infinite sadness as she pulled away. What was going through his
head?
He stood, and reached down with one hand to help her up.
"I'll go plot the course," he said. "We should be ready to start accelerating
for our leap into hyperspace in an hour or so."
With that, he turned from her and walked out of the room. She sighed, and some
of his sadness washed over her. She shook off the emotion deliberately.
Somehow she had to find a way to connect with him again, she told herself. He
was living in the past, filled with regrets. It wasn't going to work like
this. Her child deserved a father, not a ghost.
Chapter Seventeen
No matter what she did, Bethany simply couldn't get through to him. He was
kind to her, and very considerate of her physical needs, but there was always
something missing when he looked at her. There was no sparkle in him, only
sorrow. Not that he would dream of discussing his pain with her. No.
Jess was too strong for that. Or at least he was pretending to be.
They were approaching Dalaron Station. As soon as they arrived, she
would finally know where her future lay. If Jess had a message from Logan
then they already had a home waiting for them. If not, there were several
other planets which seemed to hold promise as possible destinations. Either
way, they would be making a decision about where to go soon.
It couldn't come fast enough for her. It had taken nearly three weeks to
travel the distance from Karos, deep within Imperial territory, to Dalaron
Station. Every day the baby moved within her. Her stomach formed a gentle
mound, and every instinct within her cried out for the stability of a home.
Now they approached the station, Jess carefully maneuvering the ship into the
docking area. She sat beside him in the cockpit, watching his fingers fly
across the controls. It was still amazing to her how much he had managed to
teach himself about flying. The computer helped him, of course, providing him
with simulated runs and technical manuals. He'd had thousands of hours to
practice while they were traveling. She'd been doing a bit of studying of her
own, and had discovered that he was very close to being qualified for a
pilot's license.
No matter where they decided to go, he would never have trouble finding work.
Pilots were always needed, even more now that the Empire and the Saurellian
Federation had called a truce. Interstellar commerce was starting to flow
again, after years of war.
They entered the docking cradle with a gentle nudge, and then her
stomach gave several flip flops as Jess turned off the ship's
artificial gravity, tapping into the station's generators instead. It
only took a brief second for the station's gravity to kick in, but
it seemed like an eternity to her. Against her will, she leaned over and
vomited suddenly into the sturdy plastic bag she'd taken to carrying with her
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everywhere. Her morning sickness had started to settle down several weeks
ago, but the shift in gravity was just too much for her.
Jess was by her side instantly, pulling her hair back and supporting her head
as her breakfast came back up. He made soothing noises, and she could feel
tears building up in her eyes. She loved their baby fiercely, but she hated
this feeling of helplessness that came over her whenever she was sick. She
didn't like the fact that she wasn't in control of her own body, either
physically or emotionally.
She gasped for air, slowly regaining her composure as the heaves faded. Jess
eased the sack from her grasp, then handed her a small square of fabric to
wipe her mouth with.
He'd taken to carrying them with him at all times since she'd started getting
sick. Just one more tiny thing he did to make her life easier.
She'd trade all of those little things if he would just talk to her, though.
She knew he loved her; it showed in his actions. Why couldn't he trust her
with his feelings?
He sat back on the floor of the cockpit, pulling her into his lap and cuddling
her.
"Feeling better?" he asked after a while.
"Yes," she managed to whisper.
"I was going to offer to take you out for dinner on the station," he
said after a brief pause. "I guess that might not be such a good idea,
under the circumstances."
She managed to give a faint laugh, then shook her head.
"Let's not give up just yet," she said, trying to find some humor in the
situation. "Who knows how I'll feel in a few hours? These things come and go,
you know."
He chuckled in response, but she could tell his heart wasn't in it. She looked
up into his face; his eyes were distant. He was once again focused on his
own thoughts. Unable to control herself, she spoke.
"What are you thinking, Jess?"
"Nothing," he responded slowly. He closed his eyes and leaned back
against the bulkhead. She rolled her eyes, disgusted.
"You're obviously thinking something," she said, trying to keep herself from
sounding too upset. "What is it? Are you worried about whether Logan has sent
you a message?"
His voice was distant when he replied.
"It doesn't matter if Logan has sent for us or not," he said. "Either way,
we'll find a good place for the baby. There's plenty of money. Everything is
going to be just fine."
It was the same kind of platitude he'd been giving her for weeks, she
thought, anger mounting.
"I'm not a child, you know," she said sharply. "I think we should discuss
these things. I
don't need you to take care of me."
"Oh really?" he asked, nodding toward the pan of vomit. "It sure seems like
you need me to take care of you."
She pulled away from him, rising to her knees to confront him.
"I don't need anyone to take care of me," she said in a firm voice. "I accept
your help while I'm sick because it makes my life easier. If a person has a
partner, they can share some of the responsibilities. But choosing to have a
partner and needing a caretaker are two very different things, Jess. Don't
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