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His head snapped back up. The light of the television reflected on his face, in his eyes. They were wide-open now
and boring into her. "Rejected you? Is that what you think happened?"
She should have been embarrassed, but his incredulous look kept her from feeling anything but defensive. "I
know you asked me to touch you. And I would have. I wanted to. But when I took so long, fumbling around and
acting like a schoolgirl, you changed your mind."
"God, no."He kissed her forehead, her nose, quick kisses of apology. "No, I just... Brandi, I thinkthere's a lot of
things I didn't understand, but none of it was your fault. Hell, I'm supposed to be trained to pick up on stuff. But
I've been a typical male idiot, ruled by my hormones and little else."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
His grin was self-derisive. "I thought you were playing a game."
Her eyes searched his."A game?"
After a big sigh that expanded his chest and drew her attention there again, he said, "We've got a lot of talking to
do, I think.Would you like some coffee or hot chocolate?"
She considered that,then shook her head. "I like sitting here. I like...seeing you like this." To explain, she
smoothed a hand over his firm broad chest, up his hard muscled shoulders, then to his rough jaw, enjoying the
rasping feel of his whiskers on her fingertips.
His eyes closed and he gave her a lopsided grin. "You can stay here all night, okay?" So saying, he sat back on the
couch and cuddled her close again. After a second, he laughed, but the sound wasn't one of amusement.
"Brandi, I have to tell you what I thought, so we can clear the air. I don't know any tactful or gentle way to put it,
so consider this my apology up front, all right?"
She braced herself for a rejection and nodded. After all, what man wanted a woman who'd been through what she
had, who'd been permanently affected by the ordeal? It had taken her years, but she'd gotten her life back in
order all except for the intimacy. And she didn't know if she'd ever be the same as other women in that regard.
With his eyes closed, his head resting back against the couch, Sebastian looked utterly relaxed. "I hope I don't
embarrass you, but today in the Jacuzzi, if I'd let you touch me, I'd have come."
Brandi swallowed hard, but thankfully Sebastian still didn't look at her. He shrugged his big shoulders and went
on, as if he hadn't just said something so incredibly personal and sexually intimate.
"I didn't want to do that. Not unless and until I was inside you, where I've wanted to be almost since I first set eyes
on you." He rolled his head toward her and lazily opened his eyes. "What happened tonight wasn't a rejection, it
was self-preservation. You were killing me, being so sweet and seductive and so damn sexy. I can't even look at
you without getting hard. By now, I've been hard so long it wouldn't take much to set me off."
He waited for her reaction, his gaze warm and patient. Feelings swamped her excitement, anticipation...pride.
Sebastian, the most gorgeous, incredible man she'd ever known, wanted her. And then reality and remorse hit her at
once. She wanted to look away, to shield herself, but that would be cowardly. So she faced him and gave a small,
regretful shake of her head.
"I'm sorry. I don't think I can.... I want to. I love kissing you and touching you. I haven't done that, not with any
man, since the rape. The fear..." She stopped to draw a shuddering breath, to composeherself and finish what she
was trying to tell him. He deserved to know everything. "It comes out of nowhere, when I don't expect it. I get
these panicky feelings. I try to push them back, but I can't."
A gentle smile tipped up the corners of his mouth. "Except maybe when you're in complete control? Like when
you kissed me by the fire?"
"Yes. I wasn't afraid then. You said I could call the shots and I trusted you to stick to the deal. When I told you not
to move, you didn't. If you had grabbed me, or even held me like this, I might have panicked."
"It doesn't bother you now that I'm holding you?"
"No. We're not kissing. You don't look the same now as you did then."
"You mean aroused?"
She nodded, feeling shy in spite of all that they'd discussed. "You have this look, like you did in the Jacuzzi, as if
you want to devour me."
"A damn good description."He lifted his hand to her cheek again and Brandi noticed that he trembled. She enjoyed
the way he kept touching her, so gently, so carefully.And how he'd pressed those soft kisses to her face, not sexual
kisses, just...touching. As if he couldn't help himself.
He sat up and cupped her face fully in both palms. "I want you to know, not just for this vacation, not just for the
five days, but for as long as you know me, as long as you need to, you'll always call the shots. I couldn't stand it if I
made you uneasy. If I do anything, say anything, just tell me. You can be honest with me. But I don't want to have
to worry that I'm screwing up and don't know it."
She nodded again, unable to believe what she was hearing. "Does that mean you want to keep on..."
"Kissing you? Touching you? Damn right."
"You're not...disgusted? That I was raped, I mean. Or that I'm still carrying my fears."
"God, no."He hugged her tight. "Brandi, I won't lie and say I don't wish I could find the bastard who hurt you. I'd
gladly kill him with my bare hands. But you're not responsible for what he did. And your reservations now seem
perfectly normal to me."
"Do you...do you really want to hear about it?"
Still holding her, he said, "I want to know everything about you. What makes you smile, what makes youcry.
What makes you happy, what makes yousad. I want to know your dreams and your nightmares, because it's all
part of who you are."
She licked her lips, trying to decide where to begin. Borrowing his tactic, she closed her eyes and just said the
truth. "There were three men, not one."
"God."His entire body trembled,then tightened around her.
She heard him swallow, felt his deep breaths.But he didn't say anything else, and she had no clue as to how he felt
at that moment, how he might actually react to her very ugly truths. She breathed evenly, calming her mind,
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