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hurt I m going to cause him when I& . His words faded; he
patted her hand. Never mind.
Her hand flew back and snapped over his with
lightning speed. I do not know about this imaginary
trouble you speak of. All I know is that Candelario is so
happy to have you here. I do not remember ever seeing him
so happy. His heart is so huge for you. What a giant break
if you left him.
Even though I appreciated it and loved her for it, to
have my aunt plead my case embarrassed me, made me feel
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small and weak. I put my hand on the door to step in the
kitchen, to interrupt them, but stopped.
That s just it. Carlos sank back in the chair,
wrapping his arms around himself. That heart of his. This
man, this powerful man, so fucking fearless. A tiny
chuckle. Sorry for the language.
She nodded gravely, absolving his stronger-than-usual
cursing.
He continued. And yet nobody would guess what a
delicate heart he has. Sitting forward, he cupped his
hands. And he s put that heart, that beautiful, fragile
heart, in my hands. My hands. He twined his fingers
together and pressed them to his mouth. It scares me
fucking shitless. Her disapproving glare stabbed him, and
he added, Sorry.
Tapping a finger to her lips, Aunt Dahlia closed her
eyes, clearly weighing her words. Finally, she squared her
shoulders. You are right that Candelario is a strong man.
He is. And you are right that he has a tender heart. The
community knows this, he is loved. But
I m not talking about his kindness to the community.
I m talking about his love for me. That s
Do not interrupt me. She pursed her lips, and her
hand shot up. His gentle heart and his power are separate.
So far, the two have never fought in his soul, but they will if
you throw his heart back at him, damaged. Drawing a
finger over the stitches on the mitt, she added, He has put
his heart for safekeeping in your hands. So, rather than
falter under the responsibility, should you not stand as
strong as he does? He will give his life to protect what he
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loves. Can you not at least protect his heart while he
protects you?
He balled his fist and pounded his chest. Who the
hell s going to protect him? From me? Lowering his voice to
where I had to strain to hear it, he lamented, I m the very
thing that he needs protection from.
My mind scrambled to make sense of Carlos s words.
You talk such nonsense. My aunt s voice mocked, but
her gaze wavered with uncertainty.
Oh, Aunt Dahlia. A sad sigh. Too sad, too resigned.
If you only knew.
She hissed and turned her face from him.
If she only knew what? Part of me wanted to stay, to
listen to the rest of the conversation, but my gut, in a flood
of sadness and worry, chose to walk away, not to subject
myself to further uneasiness. I left my self-assigned post at
the door and climbed the stairs, heading for my bedroom.
The heaviness in my heart, brought on by the surprising
revelation that Carlos thought of leaving me and the
nonchalance in his words weighed my steps.
None of this made sense. Carlos seemed as deeply in
love as me. He constantly said so. If he had reservations, I d
apparently been oblivious to them, blinded by my own fog
of passion and affection.
When I reached the room, I marched almost
unconsciously straight to the entertainment center,
opened the CD player, and took La Paloma from its honored
position in the machine. I crushed it in my palm, and its
sharp edges stung my skin. How stupid I felt, such a weak,
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romantic fool. Playing the song for Carlos, making love to
him by its words, thinking it was special to him as well.
I had no clue what sort of trouble Carlos felt he would
bring to me, but the fact that he seemed so convinced of it
roused my curiosity and triggered my inner self-defense
alarm. But goddamn, underneath the new anxiety, the
fresh hurt, I knew my love wouldn t be affected. If anything,
the newborn possibility of really losing him made my love
stronger than ever, pumped it with a horrific need to claw
to hold on to a precipice that I imagined my heart to be
falling from.
Surprisingly, I managed to sleep once I climbed in bed,
and I didn t know what time Carlos finally slipped under
the covers beside me. The warm body I loved nestled
against my back, bringing me out of a dreamless slumber,
and his arm curled around my waist.
I probably should have pretended not to feel him there,
but despite my fear and misgiving, I still wanted him. I
needed him. Turning in the circle of his arm, I faced him
and searched the brown eyes, touched the hair that seemed
a lustrous silver corona in the moonlight.
Candy. His hand touched my cheek like a whisper,
the silver rings cool on my skin. I love you.
So you say. Such emotion raged in me. The need to
babble my love, to tell him I d heard his conversation, to
beg him to assure me it had only been a dream. But
anger ugly, twisted, and scary thrashed just beneath the
love.
Surprise at my cool reply flashed in his eyes, but he
overrode it with a smile. Do you know how goddamn much
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I love you? He moved closer, our bellies touching, warm,
hardening cocks rubbing together.
I didn t answer right away, just turned onto my back.
Not enough, evidently, if you re planning to leave me. The
words leave me, even fluttering silent through my mind,
hurt so bad I couldn t breathe.
Lifting on one elbow, Carlos caressed my stomach, his
fingers brushing the hair around my navel. He bent to graze
his soft lips over my nipple. Candy, I want to fuck you.
How could he act as though nothing was wrong? I
fought the urge to tell him I knew about his intention of
leaving, smothered it with a tired smile. Sure, baby. I ll
fuck you. Did my voice sound as mechanical to him as it
did to me?
No. I want to be inside you. I need to be inside you.
He shivered.
I hadn t seen that coming. Carlos, I don t& .
Remember. He s leaving you. No.
Insecurity about our relationship wasn t my only
concern. To open my body to another had always
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